Quiet Suffering

The Outcasts

By Robert Ringer

I ended Cho V with the words of my computer technician, mirrored by quotes from two Voice of Sanity readers. The sum and substance of their similar views is that lots of kids are bullied, lots of kids are dubbed "outcasts," but they don't come to school with guns and kill people.

And they are absolutely right. Millions of students are bullied, but only a handful spill the blood of fellow students and teachers in retaliation. End of discussion, right? Not for me it isn't!

On the contrary, that is where the real discussion must begin. And since no one seems to be willing to step up to the plate, I have somewhat reluctantly decided to volunteer for the job. Having said this, I will begin with the question I have yet to hear asked by the media: What happens to the millions of bullied kids who don't come to school and seek revenge?

It's amazing to me that no one has ever thought to ask, let alone address, this question. Maybe people just don't want to have to think about the answer. Well, it's time they did. The reality is that those kids who choose not to retaliate with violence are left to suffer quietly - right up to the day they graduate from high school (if, indeed, they graduate).

And, in most cases, the scars are there for life. A follow-up question: How many failed lives might have been success stories had the students not been brutalized at school during their formative years? How many hapless, miserable adults might have lived happy, fulfilling lives had they not been tormented, humiliated, and treated as outcasts during their school years?

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I think psychologists would agree that there are two kinds of victims: those who externalize and take revenge, and those who internalize and hurt themselves. The hurt [of the latter] may not be visible to others, but it manifests [itself] in broken relationships, failed businesses, emotional instability, and an inability to achieve any meaningful goals in life. - S.W.

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In other words, Cho and company are merely the tip of the bully-berg. Those who refuse to suffer quietly gun down as many classmates and teachers as possible, gain the attention they longed for since first being labeled as outcasts, are dismissed as evil by both the right-wing and left-wing media, and fade rapidly into oblivion. It's a nice, convenient little mold that society crams them into.

So, the good news is that only a small number of bruised and battered kids take out their frustration and anger through retaliatory violence. But the bad news is that the millions who don't commit violence are expected to shut up and suffer quietly. All it takes is a little self-respect and the toughness to stand tall in the face of ongoing humiliation, right?

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Sure they were bullied. Everyone is bullied and trashed by someone. The real problem is the social structures that gave each of us the chance to develop self-respect and the inner resources to take being bullied have been removed. Now it is the bully who is at fault for the response of the bullied. Bull. Only you are responsible for your response. - M.T.

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Is M.T. right? Is the bully not in any way responsible for his victim's actions? Or the teachers who allow the bully to carry out his bullying tactics? Is it really the victimized kid's responsibility to take it like a man (or woman) and suffer quietly? Or could it be that M.T. is overlooking something? We'll address that question in some detail in Cho VII.

Previous - Part V, Victims and Victimizers: Reducing the Rampage

Next - Part VII, Prime Targets: The School Bully

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