Reality Therapy, Part II

By Robert Ringer

To briefly recap Part I of this article, reality therapists do not believe it is necessary, or even helpful, to hash over the deep-rooted causes of one's problems. The reality therapist believes that fulfillment of an individual's needs in the present, regardless of what traumas he may have suffered in the past, is all that matters. In other words, through the power of free will we have the capacity to modify our behavior.

I thought about this after watching about a half-hour of a Larry King Live show and a segment on 60 Minutes Wednesday that immediately followed. From a reality therapy perspective, I found the dichotomy between the two celebrities featured on these shows to be fascinating.

The first of these celebrities, on Larry King Live, was the ultimate legend, Elvis Presley. Larry King was doing a special on Elvis, with the usual Elvis cronies and girlfriends as guests. I was interested in hearing their take on "The King," as I had seen both the before and after versions of him in Las Vegas, and the contrast between the two was shocking.

Tragically, near the end, Elvis was reduced to a stumbling, slurring shadow of his former self. From my vantage point at a front-row table, I recall commenting that the glazed look in his eyes was a dead giveaway to a drug problem.

I also vividly recall Elvis at the blackjack tables on at least two occasions, both times with a beautiful (and different) young female at his side. On one occasion, I remember musing to the person I was with that another beautiful young woman by the name of Priscilla was at that very moment probably confined to her Trousdale Estates prison just above Beverly Hills.

As I continued watching Larry King's special, my mind drifted back to an Elvis biography written by a couple of his former "Memphis Mafia" members. Like most everyone who knew him, they were fond of "The King," but frustrated by their inability to curtail his self-destructive actions.

They described his behavior in great detail, behavior so immature and irresponsible that it defied belief. On one occasion, he had an aide go out and buy a half-dozen bulldozers so he and his live-for-the-moment pals could play a rough-and-tumble version of bumper cars at Graceland. As I mentioned in "Reality Therapy, Part I," reality therapy teaches that the key to fulfilling our needs in the present is responsible behavior. Is it any wonder Elvis lost touch with reality?

Above all, what came across in both the book and from the guests on Larry King's show was that Elvis didn't really believe he deserved his fame and fortune. Throughout his short life, he purportedly asked, "Why me?" over and over again.

It seems clear that, at least subconsciously, Elvis realized he was an accident of history, an accident made possible by the marketing genius of Col. Tom Parker. What Parker did was create a remarkable and marketable myth, and myths almost never fail to grow larger with the passage of time.

His fans don't like to hear it, but the reality is that Elvis couldn't dance (his hip-thrusting contortions being more reminiscent of someone suffering leg cramps), couldn't play the guitar (other than strum a few notes here and there), and certainly couldn't act.

What Elvis did bring to the table were good looks and a great voice. But I'm sure he himself was well aware that there were a lot of good-looking guys around with great voices in his era. A good start on a list of such performers would be Tom Jones, Englebert Humperdink, and Robert Goulet.

Sleeping with a thousand beautiful maidens may sound exciting to millions of men, but the reality is that sexual overactivity is really nothing more than an escape. As Viktor Frankl pointed out, the more a person seeks sexual pleasure just for the sake of proving his sexuality, the more he fails to find pleasure and the more miserable he is.

Nor were Elvis's needs fulfilled by mountains of adulation from adoring fans and enough money to buy every imaginable adult toy. As a result, he increasingly turned to drugs and overeating, with his most well-publicized indulgence being peanut butter and banana sandwiches fried in butter. Elvis's autopsy report suggested that he had overdosed on everything from codeine to barbiturates to morphine.

I believe that the bottom line to Elvis Presley, who apparently started out as a decent, down-to-earth, momma's boy, was that he was thrust into a world of sophistication and opulence that he was not equipped to handle. By that I mean that he didn't have the talent, education, intellect, and, most important of all, emotional maturity to function in a super-fast-track world.

I would conjecture that fame and fortune came so fast and with so little effort that Elvis never even thought about what his real needs were, let alone figure out a way of fulfilling them - and such is the essence of reality therapy. By all accounts, his was a life without purpose, a life of meaninglessness.

On that sad note, let's segue to the other celebrity in this reality-therapy dichotomy, Thomas Quasthoff. Quasthoff was the subject of the 60 Minutes Wednesday segment I watched following the Larry King Live show on Elvis.

Quasthoff was born near Hanover, Germany in 1959, which makes him about six years older than Elvis was at the time of his death. He was one of the earliest thalidomide babies, born with no arms and a deformed body that would grow to only about three feet in height.

His parents, concerned that they could not properly care for him, sent him away to an institution for the disabled when he was very young. But after a few years, he returned home and was placed in a regular school.

While his classmates played soccer, Quasthoff took singing lessons. It was the start of a long journey that would bring him to where he is today - one of the finest and most famous baritones in the world. Quasthoff now performs full-time in countries around the globe, and is adored by fans everywhere he goes.

Incredibly, Thomas Quasthoff, now rich and famous, is the epitome of self-confidence. He displays an endearing, self-deprecating sense of humor, and his smile and boisterous laughter are infectious to everyone in his presence. He even has a girlfriend, who is not disabled, whom he describes as "the best thing that has happened to me in 46 years."

In his interview with the late Ed Bradley on 60 Minutes Wednesday, Quasthoff described sleeping in a room with 10-12 other disabled children, many of them both mentally and physically challenged. Reflectively, he said, "It was a hard experience. But, on the other side, now I say it was very good for me, because … I know how hard life can really be."

He went on to explain, "I accept my disability as a fact. I cannot hide it, and I don't want to hide it. I don't want to be judged as a disabled person. I want to be judged as a singer."

When Bradley started to ask him what he would do if he had to choose between being an able-bodied person who didn't have his ability to sing or a disabled person with his enormous talent, Quasthoff quickly interrupted him with, "I would stay like I am." The segment closed with Quasthoff saying, "My life is very, very fulfilled. I'm a very happy man." With those words, he became my poster person for the reality therapy ideal.

Through the power of free will, Thomas Quasthoff chose to forget the traumas of his past. He recognized that there was nothing he could do about his disabling thalidomide injuries. But, at the same time, he believed he could fulfill his needs through a singing career and a very active life. He refused to use the horrifically bad hand he was dealt at birth as an excuse for failure.

Sadly, and by contrast, Elvis found only misery in wealth, fame, and revolving female companionship. Blessed with a healthy body, good looks, and a great voice, he instead chose a path of astonishingly irresponsible behavior.

The dichotomy between Elvis Presley and Thomas Quasthoff is yet another reminder that the main difference between success and failure - between happiness and unhappiness - lies in the power of choice. Responsible choices and responsible behavior lead to success and happiness. Irresponsible choices and behavior lead to failure and unhappiness.

I will leave this tale of two men by reminding you that while it's true that you are a product of your past, the reality is that you cannot change any of the unpleasantness you may have endured. Which is why I would urge you to be ever vigilant when it comes to fighting the temptation to look back.

When the past no longer clogs your thought processes, it paves the way for you to focus on exercising the self-discipline to act responsibly in the present. Acting responsibly today is the key to fulfilling your needs and getting where you want to be in life tomorrow.

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